Abah..In memory

Tadi baca entry makcik pasal arwah atuk..miss him very much..aku pun minggu ni berkira-kira nk masukkan entry pasal abah jgk..tp x tau ape nk tulis..bile nk start taip jek rase sedih..agaknye org preggy mmg senang sgt emo kot!

Abah passed away on june, 24th 2006. About 100 days before my wedding..now i remembered why I can't wrote this entry..hmm..

Two week before he died, I was balik kampung. Since a year every weekend mesti balik kg. Cos mase tu abah mmg x sihat sgt. Makan x berape selera, mandi-pakai pun mak yang uruskan. Sometimes he was ok. Kecuali masa asma die datang, memang x bole nk buat ape. Just laid on his bed with inhaler by his side. So that weeekend we talked about many things. About past, future. X pernah borak macam tu ngan abah. Maybe lebih selesa cerita ngan mak..adat ler tu..Ayat abah yang paling terkesan dalam hati aku "da tinggal lebih kurang 100 hari lagi abah nk dapat menantu, ntah sempat ke ntah tidak". Masa tu aku x komen ape2. Diam jek..If aku bukak mulut confirm menangis punye..aku bukak cerita lain. After a moment, I went to dapur, mak asked ape yang abah cakap..aku cakap xde ape2..

Patutnya hujung tahun tu (2006) abah g Mekah ngan apad tunaikan haji. Tapi xde rezeki abah nk jejakkan kaki ke tanah haram tu..mak yang gantikan, watkan haji utk abah. If abah masih ada, nama abah Haji Muhammad Sutan Mudo bin Haji Othman. Hmm..

One day at hospital (mase die admitted to ward Hosp. KP)..he said something yang I never knew before..I was a bit suprised, rupanya I had an older brother which i bet even mak pun x tau..abah was married before came to malaysia - tapi da cerai da- His name is Shahrul Nizam, lived in Pekan Baru, Sumatra. Age 30++, married and a policeman. Masa we went to abah's hometown (pangkalan, sumatra), that brother (don't know what to address him..) asked abah if he can come to see Abah. Abah said NO because we (mak, aku, apad n adik) x tau pasal ni. x mau kami terkejut-terkujat. Aku rase aku x akan ape2 tp thanked to abah for menjaga hati mak. Yang tau pasal ni was abang edi.

When abah dah x ade, one day mak asked me about it. I asked emak what she knew? She said x berapa tahu. Nak tanya tapi x tau ape nk tanya..Poor mak! So aku pun bagitau mak apa yang aku tau. Mak x kata apa2. Maybe just nak tau je..since then, aku ade rase terpanggil that 1 one I should go and find this abang. Itu pun kalau mak benarkan..

So tahun ni dah 3 tahun abah meninggalkan kami..Semua ingatan2 berkenaan abah x pernah aku lupa..even sampai skang pun, if balik kg, terasa2 macam abah masih ada..sebab pada aku, if ada mak, ada lah abah. Aku mmg x suke dari dulu if pegi mana2 family x lengkap..mesti ade abah, mak, aku , apad n adik..baru namenye family. Even g kenduri doa selamat. Since kecik abah dah trained, kalo g kenduri, semua mesti pegi..if ade sorang nk tinggal kt umah, jgn harap..kena paksa pegi lebih2 lagi umah sedara-mara. So dari situ la agaknya sifat2 tu tertanam dlm hati aku.

Skang aku rase beruntung cos ade abah lain which abah abang..my father-in-law daa..aku da anggap die mcm abah jgk..

kebetulan last sunday father's day..Happy Father's Day abah! Thank you for everyhing..

Semoga roh abah sentiasa dicucuri rahmat dan berada dalam kalangan orang2 yg beriman..Amin.